a copywriter's blog

Lazy words are words that do not tell anybody anything. Don't beat yourself up though. We all use them.

Lazy words increase the length of letters, memos and reports. That's bad. Long letters, memos and reports are more likely to be passed over in favour of shorter ones.

Another problem is that lazy words make our sentences longer, and that adds to the reader’s difficulties in quickly grasping what we are trying to tell them. Take these examples and see how many words you can edit out without affecting the meaning at all. Don’t do anything except strike out words that do not need to be there.

The car, which was blue in colour, had traveled a distance of 14,000 kilometers during the month of January.

When we had trains on the run, it took eight minutes to travel from South Auckland to the city. Now that we have light rail it takes twenty minutes. This means that people have to spend much longer on a journey.

I am writing to advise you that your application for a planning permit has been approved.

We all do things like that. No matter how much writing practice you have, you will still do it. But as your writing skill improves, you will learn to go back and strike out the lazy words.

When we had trains on the run, took eight minutes to travel from South Auckland to the city. Now that we have light rail it takes twenty minutes. This means that people have to spend much longer on a journey.

This one is a classic example of taking too many words to say a little. If we are talking about trains, let's get to them as soon as we can. We do not need to say ‘to travel’. Because that is what trains do. As a reader of this report, how would you feel about having explained to you that twenty is more than eight?

I am writing to advise you that your application for a planning permit has been approved.

If you have a letter, it is obvious that the writer is writing. It is also usual that letters are ‘to advise’ the reader of something.

A client of mine was having difficulty promoting a 'Crisis Management' master class last year. He'd written up some stellar marketing material promoting the presenter's expertise. He used great examples of the presenter's experience as one of the first foreign aid workers to enter Thailand after the Boxing Day Tsunami and built credibility around various disasters and catastrophes resolved or cleaned-up.

The initial response was underwhelming. Consideration was given to canceling the seminar.

Then we went back to basics. Why weren't people interested in learning how to manage a crisis?

Simple. People couldn't relate to a tsunami, train wreck or bush fire. Our audience wasn't buying what we were selling.

Although the lessons on courage under fire and leading a team without official authority were valid commercial values, we'd failed to illustrate them in a way that was relevant and meaningful to our target audience.

Our audience does not expect to be hit by a tidal wave, earthquake or flood. Ironically those are very real threats in this country.

However, they can relate to a sick secretary absent at the eleventh hour, a product recall or disastrous public relations.

By re-framing our message, and using examples our audience could relate to, the course sold out in a matter of hours.

Which brings me back to my initial point. Are you selling what people are buying?

If you're a travel agent, you want to sell air-fares and package deals. But your audience is buying a ten-days of relaxation, adventure or a nice retreat. It's about selling the sizzle, not the sausage.

If you're a pet store, you're not selling pets. You're selling companionship or perhaps even protection.

There are more than twenty bars within staggering distance of where I work. Yet I only really frequent one. The beer is the same price as all the others, but it offers a pleasant ambiance which is great for business meetings or just as an off-site break from the office.

Most businesses are pretty much the same. Every chemist, café, brothel or boutique has pretty much the same business model. Often when I ask clients what their point of difference is they inevitably say 'their friendly helpful staff'. This is not a point of difference. If your staff aren't friendly and knowledgeable they shouldn't be working in customer service. Hell, we expect friendly helpful service as a bare minimum of patronising any business.

So what are your customers buying? Figure that out and the marketing writes itself.

Anyone with little more than a primary school education can write. The mechanics of writing aren't too tough to master. In the same way anyone can play Rugby. But like our national game, only the talented and determined few turn professional.

Yet professional writing continues to be undervalued, by those whom benefit from it most. An entry level writer for media giants including Fairfax is $14NZD per hour, only $2 above minimum wage. You could earn more flipping burgers.

Okay Fairfax did announce a $365.3 million loss for the first half of this year, but does that justify slashing writer's salaries by 15%?. Fairfax still found $750mil to buy TradeMe.

The industry standard for freelance journalism is currently around 50-cents per word, if you can find a publisher willing to pay you for your efforts. These are the same publishers who want advertisers to buy space and audiences to subscribe.

Almost any fledgling writer can be published. Most of us start out contributing for free. Yet so many benefactors of creative copy or freelance journalism can't justify paying you for your effort and skill.

The first article I ever wrote was on an up and coming comedienne called Cal Wilson. The article generated interest in her act and for a while during the mid 90s she performed to sell out audiences. If my knowledge of publishing is any gauge, the page featuring my piece probably cost the publisher around $10k to print. The photography probably cost almost as much and the graphic design a little less. I received a byline for my work but little else.

The publication liked my article so much they commissioned a second piece on a band starring ex Crowded House Bassist Nick Seymore. If only 2% of the readers bought that album based on my work, Deadstar would have made six figures. If I recall I received a signed CD. Actually if I recall I was meant to return the album.

Okay, so I was fresh and keen to flesh out my portfolio, so I was happy just to see my name in print. But since those fledgling years I have invested in my education and have gained valuable industry experience. I have ghost written for Anne Sherry when she was CEO of Westpac Banking Corporation, Michael Barnett, Auckland Chamber of Commerce, Chairman as well as more adverts than I care to remember.

Yet publishers and promoters still expect me to write for free. As if their appreciation or appetite for my words is enough.

People like my words. They happily pay for them because they know people like reading them and that turns into sales and profit, or in recent cases web traffic.

They are the same people who pay graphic designers thousands of dollars each month. They are the same companies who know they will sell more products or publications with my work. They just can't bring themselves to pay for it.

Fortunately I am in a position to politely decline another byline or gratis CD, and only contribute to publications whom appreciate and value my contributions or promote my personal agenda.

If you are a new writer, by all means offer your articles for free. The benefits of a published portfolio often outweigh any downsides. But at some stage draw a line in the sand. If you can't convince people that your words work, then they probably aren't worth paying for.

If you're a company CEO, or struggling start-up not employing a professional writer, ask yourself if you are getting the results required from writing your own copy. If you value your graphic designer, your printer and your other promotional professionals, why wouldn't you employ a writer to prepare your messages in a way that gets the results you require?

If you're still not convinced, imagine the Ponsonby under 21s representing New Zealand at the next Rugby World Cup. Because that's the level of commercial literacy you are endorsing by not valuing your writer and paying him or her appropriately.

Written communication is one of the few ways we still communicate one-to-one with many of our colleagues and customers. Because they’re personal and direct they have a very strong potential to create a great or bad customer experience.

Often the reason we’re writing is because we need to convey important information or to resolve an issue. So the communiqué is often quite significant to our audience.

Value your audience
It helps to think of your written communication as part of customer care. You want your customer to know that they’re valued.

You’ll help create a feeling of being valued when you take the care and attention to
get things right
explain things clearly
be courteous and friendly.

It will also help show you can do your job and be trusted.

Put your audience first
When you’re writing, try and picture the person you’re writing to and how they’ll react.

Ask yourself
who is this person?
what is their situation?
are there special circumstances?
what’s the background?
what do they need to know?
what do they need to do?
how will they react?
what questions will they ask?
can I answer these in advance?
where can they get more details or help?

This is the first of my projected TVC critiques,and I thought I'd start on a comparison that's so clear cut as to be unfair.
 
Telecom, with its budget of mega-gazillions, wanted to launch a new product. OK, not a new product. A product that all Vodaphone subscribers had been using for years - but a product / service that was new for Telecom's patient, long-suffering customers.
 
And they went at it with a hiss, a roar, and a flub, flub, flub, as the air went out of their tyres.
 
I can see the agency's board room now. They were thinking power. They were thinking mass appeal. They were thinking that what their clients and prospective punters wanted was... Richard Hammond. The Hamster. And, to be fair, the pre-launch commercial looked good. American fighter planes, flash speedboats, race cars, Hammond, dressed as the first evil Stig, in a pair of fireproof overalls that are seven sizes too large. Didn't they know Hammond's tiny?
 
The they looked for a nest, found their own, and crapped in it. They carried the theme on. With Hammond theatrically wincing. With Hammond doing all those cute little Hamster things he's famous for. Oh - and I'd give a doubling of my Telecom bill to have heard the conversations around Telecom's water coolers as they discussed the stock footage of the "their" speedboat turning up in a Lexus commercial this week. Somehow, it's fitting.
 
They had Hammond wincing and cringing as he statically read some static lines off a Tel-E-Prompter, as a New Zealand fashion designer looked "cross" and "embarrassed" in various places around the world, as she showed that the new service worked in Australia, London, and, oh, there.  They had the Hamster taking a photograph of a jet boat with an 800 horsepower that generates 8 gees but no whizz, and - get this - managing to send a photograph before the boat crossed a finish line. Gee. Whizz. Wince.
 
It was embarrassing, poorly conceived, and so bloody foreign. It resonated with two or three of the throngs of Kiwis who watch "Top Gear", and the dozens who can afford a flash new designer-label frock.
 
Compare it to the new 2 degree commercials. A brand-spankin' new company that managed, in a nanosecond, to make themselves a million times more Kiwi than Telecom. Damned if I know who are backing 2 degrees financially - their TV commercials scream New Zild. Why? Oh, yeah: home-grown talent, home-grown humour, and commercials that stay on message. Does anyone doubt that Rhys Darby had a big hand in writing the scripts? Loggo? I hang out, waiting to hear that line. New Zealand locations... out on a farm! Not in a high-tech studio that looks as though it might well have been TV1's newsroom two years ago.
 
Telecom: 2 out of ten. 2 Degrees - 9. Conservatively.

Kia kaha

Al

Our tone is conversational writing. We write more as if we are talking to our audience rather than addressing them in a formal manner.

One simple way to achieve a more conversational tone in your writing is to use your spoken words as a guide. Ask yourself how you would say something if you were face to face with your audience.

Try to:
picture your audience as an individual and talk to him or her personally.
Use words like you and we
keep it simple and friendly
get to the point quickly
be polite, say please and thank you
use simple abbreviations such as we’ve and can’t that we use in everyday speech
use active verbs and positive language
use plain English – no clichés, industry jargon or acronyms
keep sentences and paragraphs short
keep punctuation simple – less is better
use headings and bullets to help your audience skim through information.

What is plain English?
Plain English is about making the message clear and easy to understand without talking down. It’s not just about simple words – it’s about using ordinary everyday language

Plain English means…
Using shorter, less formal words
Instead of saying “In addition, we request that…” try something like “Also, could you please…”

Using short sentences and paragraphs
As a rule of thumb, try to keep to one thought per sentence and two to three sentences each paragraph.

Using active rather than passive language and verbs
Active means you know who is doing what, so saying “When you answer” is active, while saying “When an answer is given” is passive.

Using words with a clear meaning
Many words have double meanings. Realise can mean know or cash in, certain can mean some or sure.

Taking out the unnecessary and avoiding repetition
Keep your descriptions to a minimum, remove extra words, simplify punctuation and minimise your use of capitals and italics.

Avoid ambiguity
“There’s a cost for breaking the contract” is ambiguous because it’s not clear who’s doing what, “We charge a penalty fee if you break your contract” is clear. We know who is doing what

Avoid acronyms and jargon
Instead of saying SSC, say Staff Service Centre, or write it in full followed by the acronym in brackets. For example, the Staff Service Centre (SCC) is in Penrose.